What a great attitude to have! If you want to make a difference at work, at school, on a sports team or even in your relationships, this will do it. Just remember, it is your fault. Now, I know and you know that it isn't your fault. However, I’d like to suggest to you that the attitude to have is, it is your fault.
How does this kind of attitude help? It may be easier to explain by looking at the reverse attitude, it isn't your fault. Let's look at a couple of different scenarios. First, let’s consider a work example. Your work department is responsible for selling a hundred units during the second quarter. At the end of the quarter your department has only sold 85 units. Don't worry, it isn't your fault. The advertising department missed a deadline to get an ad placed in the Sunday paper which circulates about 45,000 papers. If they wouldn't have missed the deadline in the first month you are sure that your department would have sold the additional 15 units and even possibly surpassed the 100 unit goal. So, what do you do differently next quarter? Nothing at all. There is no need to. It wasn't your fault. It was the advertising departments fault.
Let’s look at the same scenario but with a different attitude. It is your fault. I know the advertising department missed their deadline. But it is still your fault that you didn't sell 100 units. I believe that you start to think and act differently. The creative juices start to flow. You start asking yourself the what if question. What if? That is, what if I would have made one more sales call? What if I tweak my sales presentation? What if I spend a little more time shadowing a mentor? What if I spend a little less time texting and a little more time in front of a potential customer? Do you see how your whole thought process changes? This is how you affect change in your behavior and then change the outcome. It is your fault.
How about in your relationships? (I can see the emails I am going to get on this one. "John, why don't you start practicing what you preach?") If your relationship isn't where you want it to be then it is your fault. Let's start looking at this example the same way. It is NOT your fault. Your significant other (spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend) is in a bad mood after coming home from work. The boss was unhappy with results, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing, and the flat tire on the way home topped it all off. As it often happens you seem to be the one on which the frustration is taken out. Answers are short and curt and you think that his/her bad mood is just unnecessary. It isn’t your fault. So you do nothing about it. You find a way to gradually escape from the situation.
Let’s look at the same scenario but with the opposite attitude. It is your fault. I know the boss was mad, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing, and you couldn’t do anything about the flat tire. However, what if you would have sent a text message during the day that said, “I am thinking of you”? What if when the phone was ringing all day one of the calls was you just checking in to give some words of encouragement? Do you see how your whole attitude changes when you take the approach that it is your fault? This is how you affect change in your behavior and then change the outcome. It is your fault.
Our sinful nature makes it difficult to say or take the attitude that it is our fault. Just think about what happened while you were growing up. I bet that almost every time something happened that was your fault you were disciplined. So you learned as a tiny boy and girl to desire to shift blame or deny all together. After all, it wasn't Adam’s fault it was Eve's, right? J. If you admit fault at work, many believe they run the risk of getting demoted, losing the raise, or even getting fired. Of course, it isn't your fault. It is someone else's. We are afraid that if it our fault in relationships then you lose your reputation by being bad mouthed. Better yet, what if you are married, end up getting a divorce and lose everything in the divorce settlement? Of course it isn't your fault. It is the other persons. Are you beginning to see how we are conditioned to believe that “It is NOT my fault”?
Lead the change in yourself and others. It is your fault.
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