It Is Your Fault

What a great attitude to have!  If you want to make a difference at work, at school, on a sports team or even in your relationships, this will do it. Just remember, it is your fault. Now, I know and you know that it isn't your fault. However, I’d like to suggest to you that the attitude to have is, it is your fault.

How does this kind of attitude help? It may be easier to explain by looking at the reverse attitude, it isn't your fault. Let's look at a couple of different scenarios. First, let’s consider a work example. Your work department is responsible for selling a hundred units during the second quarter. At the end of the quarter your department has only sold 85 units. Don't worry, it isn't your fault. The advertising department missed a deadline to get an ad placed in the Sunday paper which circulates about 45,000 papers. If they wouldn't have missed the deadline in the first month you are sure that your department would have sold the additional 15 units and even possibly surpassed the 100 unit goal. So, what do you do differently next quarter? Nothing at all. There is no need to. It wasn't your fault. It was the advertising departments fault.

Let’s look at the same scenario but with a different attitude. It is your fault. I know the advertising department missed their deadline. But it is still your fault that you didn't sell 100 units. I believe that you start to think and act differently. The creative juices start to flow. You start asking yourself the what if question. What if? That is, what if I would have made one more sales call? What if I tweak my sales presentation? What if I spend a little more time shadowing a mentor? What if I spend a little less time texting and a little more time in front of a potential customer? Do you see how your whole thought process changes?  This is how you affect change in your behavior and then change the outcome. It is your fault.

How about in your relationships? (I can see the emails I am going to get on this one. "John, why don't you start practicing what you preach?") If your relationship isn't where you want it to be then it is your fault. Let's start looking at this example the same way. It is NOT your fault.  Your significant other (spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend) is in a bad mood after coming home from work. The boss was unhappy with results, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing, and the flat tire on the way home topped it all off. As it often happens you seem to be the one on which the frustration is taken out. Answers are short and curt and you think that his/her bad mood is just unnecessary. It isn’t your fault. So you do nothing about it. You find a way to gradually escape from the situation.

Let’s look at the same scenario but with the opposite attitude. It is your fault. I know the boss was mad, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing, and you couldn’t do anything about the flat tire. However, what if you would have sent a text message during the day that said, “I am thinking of you”? What if when the phone was ringing all day one of the calls was you just checking in to give some words of encouragement? Do you see how your whole attitude changes when you take the approach that it is your fault?  This is how you affect change in your behavior and then change the outcome. It is your fault.

Our sinful nature makes it difficult to say or take the attitude that it is our fault. Just think about what happened while you were growing up. I bet that almost every time something happened that was your fault you were disciplined. So you learned as a tiny boy and girl to desire to shift blame or deny all together. After all, it wasn't Adam’s fault it was Eve's, right? J. If you admit fault at work, many believe they run the risk of getting demoted, losing the raise, or even getting fired. Of course, it isn't your fault. It is someone else's. We are afraid that if it our fault in relationships then you lose your reputation by being bad mouthed. Better yet, what if you are married, end up getting a divorce and lose everything in the divorce settlement? Of course it isn't your fault. It is the other persons. Are you beginning to see how we are conditioned to believe that “It is NOT my fault”?

Lead the change in yourself and others. It is your fault.

Today's Readers become Tomorrow's Leaders

I heard this phrase, “Today’s readers become tomorrow’s leaders”, a few years ago at a convention. Recently I stumbled across this phrase again. As I often do, I started to think about what this phrase really means and if I believe it.  I came to the conclusion that I think there is a lot of truth to this saying.

There was an article in the Summer 2001, Aerospace Power Journal talking about future leaders. The Aerospace Program was wondering where they could find future leaders. They said, “One route is to reap the benefit of past experience through a vigorous professional reading program.” That is a powerful endorsement for the belief that “today’s readers will become tomorrow’s leaders”.  They knew that if they had students in the program read about the history and learn from it then they could become great leaders.

Look at the school systems. Why do they spend so much time and resources in literacy programs? They know that students need to be able to read in order to learn and become great students. But why would someone at a manager’s convention for Insurance Professionals be tauting the phrase? After all, wouldn’t all of these professional people already know how to read?

The main point is that if we are going to continue to grow we must be life-long students. Be a student of what interests you. Are the insurance managers reading books on how to lead? Books such as, Are You the Captain of the Love Boat or the Titanic? Are they reading books on their profession, such as how to invest in difficult economic times? Knowledge is power and that power can come from reading.

Personally, I look at some of my best professional years and it was when I always had a book in my hand. Whether it was a book by Zig Ziglar or Lou Holt, I was always reading. Two of my three years as a District manager I was able to attend company trips to Hong Kong, China and Cabo, Mexico as a reward for recognition of being one of the top districts in the company. It was those years that I always had a book at my finger tips so I could dig in whenever I had five minutes of free time. I didn’t necessarily follow everything from every book. However, I was usually able to implement one or two ideas that made me a better person, both personally and professionally.

A 2008 article by T.L Stanley from Supervisor says there are several ways to improve one’s thinking ability. He says, “Board games, reading, and speaking in public are excellent ways to exercise the brain and keep the mind challenged.” I love board games. Maybe I can use that as an excuse the next time I want to play games. There probably aren’t many leaders that don’t have good thinking ability. Keep those skills sharp and read.

What do you want to become the leader of? Is it the leader of your life? Is it the leader of your household, sports team, office or corporation? Whatever it is, pick up a book, journal, newspaper, a blog, or kindle and become a reader. Because today’s readers are tomorrow’s leaders!

Don't Be An Elephant

Don’t be an Elephant! No, this isn’t about eating. (Even though several of us could probably make a few less trips through the buffet line and a few more trips to the gym.) This is about your self esteem and your belief about yourself and accomplishing great things. So, what does it mean to not be an elephant? Let’s begin by looking at how an elephant is trained to be obedient to his animal trainer.

A baby elephant averages about 250 pounds, while a fully grown adult reaches the height of 10-13 feet and weighs about 15,400 pounds. How do you get an animal this large to be restricted and contained by a 2 inch rope tied to a stake in the ground that can be easily pulled out? It is done by breaking its spirit when it is a young baby elephant.

Initially, the young wild elephant is tied to a wooden frame or between two tree trunks where it is unable to move. The wild elephant tears at the ropes and flails with its trunk to desperately try to free himself. The elephant is then repeatedly stuck with an elephant hook and beaten. Fear, pain, thirst and hunger finally make the elephant give up all resistance. When the elephant begins to accept its fate, it is allowed to take a bath in a river and to eat, although it continues to be tied to a working elephant throughout this process . After several weeks of this brutal treatment, the young elephant is now tame enough to be led without being accompanied by other working elephants. When the young elephant’s spirit is completely broken it can be tied with a simple rope that is staked in the ground. This is because it has given up all hope and has convinced itself that freedom is impossible.

So don’t be an elephant!! Are we literally tied to a tree, beaten, and stuck with an elephant hook? Of course the answer is no. However, so many people allow themselves to become “elephants”. We give other people the power to break our spirit. Could it be a parent as we grew up? Did you have a parent tell you that you wouldn’t amount to anything? Have you ever heard anyone tell a child, “You are going to turn out just like your father and amount to nothing?” Over time comments like these start to break down one’s spirit. We start believing what we are told. Supposed friends can be very cruel as we grow up too. They say things such as, “Your parents didn’t go to college so you won’t be able to go either.” “Your parents are divorced so you don’t have a chance.” “Your mother is an alcoholic. You are going to turn out just like her.” Before you know it you have become an elephant.

Now, let’s say you are different than what I’ve described so far. Your parents didn’t say nasty things like this to you. You did go to college. So, you might be thinking that this doesn’t apply to you. My question to you is “Really?”.  Answer these questions for me. When is the last time you asked for a raise? When is the last time you were employee of the month? When is the last time you had the courage to go after a promotion? Don’t be an elephant. Have your peers and mainstream society broken your spirit? Are you thinking that the person next you is better than you and they deserve the promotion. Is your co-worker that much better than you that you think they deserved the raise? If these thoughts are in your head then you have become an elephant. You have let your spirit be broken. Don’t be an elephant. You are valuable and do deserve that promotion, raise, and to be employee of the month.

You have given up hope and have let someone else stick you with an elephant hook until you become confined by your own ropes. Don’t become an elephant!! You are powerful and can break away just as a 15,400 pound elephant can if it truly tried. Believe in yourself. Find those people that have become successful in spite of their circumstances. I am here to tell you that if I can overcome an abusive, serial killing parent then you can accomplish great things! One of my tips of success was shared in an earlier blog, “Keep an Eye on Two People”. If you need a refresher or haven’t read it you can click this link. http://run2something-jpe.blogspot.com/2011/03/keep-eye-on-two-people.html   

Dreams, goals, and aspirations do not have to die with our youth or with negative comments that are made to us. Do not leave your dreams, goals, and aspirations tied to a tree somewhere or confined to a two inch rope attached to a stake in the ground. Don’t be an elephant!!

How Do You Treat?

Here is a little secret on how to get what you want.  I will caution you that nothing works 100%, all of the time.  However, if you incorporate this into your everyday life, you will be surprised how much more you will have.  You will have more friends, more help in times of need, and just more of what you want.

To be honest it isn’t a secret.  It is just something that is difficult to do for some, only because we get so caught up with everyday life.  We are so distracted by cell phones, children, and stress that we forget how to treat people.  That is right!  In order to get what you want, you must treat people as if they have something you need.  Now, don’t be confused!  I didn’t say use people.  I said, treat people as if they have something that you want or need.

Think about it!  How do you treat someone who has something you want?  Do you have children?  Boy, do they make a great illustration for this topic!  I recently promised my boys (8 year old twins) that if they did well at their gymnastics meet, then I would get them something special.  Guess what?  They did well.  So, I went out and bought them something.  They knew when I returned home from the store that I had their prize.  I was able to use it to my advantage to have fun with them.  I got hugs, kisses, please, and thank you.  It was as if they were alien possessed.  Why is that?  It was simply because I had something they wanted.  And since I had something they wanted, they treated me nicely.

Treat everyone as if they have something you want, that even includes strangers.  Why is that?  Because you never know when you will need what that person has.  So, what exactly does this look like?  It means smiling at others.  Hold the door for them as you walk into or out of a business.  It means being last in the line at the next workplace luncheon because you are assisting others with their plates and drinks.  It means helping the stranger in the store parking lot return their shopping cart.  It means dropping a hand written note in the mail telling someone thank you and that you were thinking of them.  The list can go on and on.  Just think back to the last time you needed something that someone had.  How did you treat them?

I would recommend that you start this process in the workplace.  Why the workplace, you may ask?  First, it will make your workplace much more enjoyable.  Second, you never know when the person sitting next to you will be your boss.  Yes, that twenty-something that just started last week could be your boss one day.  My experience as a school teacher and in the corporate world has proven this time and again.  As a new special education teacher, I had to work with a fifth grade teacher because we both worked with the same student.  Thank goodness I treated this teacher like he had something I wanted.  Seven years after first working with him, he became a principal at a school 30 minutes away.  And I on the other hand became an insurance agent that worked with school teachers.  Guess what?  I had to work with his teachers.  How do you think it would have gone if seven years earlier, I had treated him differently?  One final example comes from one of my first experiences working in the insurance industry.  The 20 year veteran that mentored me and the manager that hired me became my direct reports seven years after I started.  Thank goodness I treated them as if they had something I wanted.  (Of course at that time they did. It was their help and knowledge.)  If I hadn’t treated them well, they could have made my life very miserable.

One of the best books I’ve read on this topic, which I would recommend to you, is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  I remember reading this book during my years in college.  At the time, I was harassed by my friends.  They tried to inform me that I didn’t need to win friends, but instead, I had to earn them.   Needless to say, my response to them was that they needed to read the book.  The book gives great detail and much support about how to treat people. I still highly recommend it even after all these years.

I leave you with Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times