Impact

As the son of a serial killer I have pondered just how many lives my father touched in a negative way, the impact he must have had on so many families. The grief he created for fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, and friends of those whose lives he ended. Many would say that he impacted the lives of others in a very negative way.

Here is a statement for you to ponder. You touch and impact as many lives as my father, the serial killer. Do you create grief for others? (Not the same type of grief my father left behind, dealing with the loss of loved ones.) Are you having a positive impact on others? Do you leave them in a better mood, a little more hopeful, and excited about life? One way or another, you are having an impact.

Check the news headlines for this past week. I believe there were no less than five individuals in the news for being put to death for taking the lives of one or more individuals. It is easy to sit back and talk about the horrible things they did and the lives they impacted. But are you having any better of an impact?

Have you helped the needy? Not the one on the street corner but your neighbor sitting next to you or the one in the house across the street. Have you smiled at the broken hearted to let them know it will get better? Change the impact you are having. You are having an impact, even if you aren't a serial killer.

Who's Quitting?

Who’s Quitting?

I recently read an article in Spirit magazine about Anthony Robles. You may have recently seen him on ESPN or the Espy’s. Anthony is a three-time All American athlete that won the 2011 NCAA Division I Wrestling Championship in his weight class. And he did it with only one leg.

Many individuals, like myself, would say that Anthony’s accomplishment is very impressive. Having wrestled in high school and college I do want to tell you that yes, his accomplishment is very impressive. There are several remarkable parts of the article. Some people might focus on Anthony’s feats of strength, such as his ability to bench press 350 pounds or his ability to do 100 pull ups in two minutes. These physical feats are notable since neither I nor the average human being can perform these tasks.

However, I would like to draw attention away from Anthony’s physical accomplishments and focus on his most inspiring decision.  In 2010 Anthony finished 7^th at the NCAA Division I championships. That, in and of itself, is a great accomplishment because it comes with All American status. However, Anthony didn’t see it that way. He saw it as a failure because his goal was to be the champion, not a seventh place All American. So, Anthony took the summer off from wrestling and even contemplated quitting. However, quitting wasn’t in the cards for him. He went back to practice and the rest is history.

I think this is the most remarkable part of the whole story. So many times people quit. Things get tough and the towel is thrown in. People fall short of their goal and they fold. Anthony experienced those things and yet he kept going. I think it is natural for most individuals to question whether they should continue or quit when things are challenging, going unexpectedly, or they are navigating through turbulent waters. However, the strong keep going and don’t give up. They regroup, re-channel their focus and continue. 

I encourage you to keep going and don’t quit. Your All American status could be right around the corner. However, you must keep going and round the corner in order to find it. If anyone had an excuse to quit it was Anthony. Let Anthony be your inspiration. Don’t quit, keep going.

Change

Change? Is it really that difficult? Let’s see…you can change a dollar for four quarters. Or maybe you would like 10 dimes. How about 100 pennies? Now that I think about it you could change that dollar for 1 quarter, two dimes, 12 nickels, and 5 pennies. Are you kidding me? I thought change was easy.  

Change can be made as easy or difficult as we want it to be. Just like in the example above with all the various ways to make change for a dollar. I would like to share a few practical tips on how you can make change easier, whether it be changing your weight, changing the way the house looks, or changing that process at work in order to be more efficient.

First and foremost you can’t change everything at once. Let’s use your house as an example (remember this is the analogy; relate this to what you want to change). The windows are dirty, the blinds are dusty, the floors need mopped, sheets need changed, toilets need cleaned, and the laundry needs washed.

Many times we think of all the things that need to be done. At times we will even make a list so we can tackle the list with purpose. Many times when we make a list or think of all the things that need to change it sends an overwhelming feeling through our body that motivates us to do nothing. Why is that? It is because we become overwhelmed by the task. We start playing mind games. We tell ourselves such things as, “I will never have time. I can’t accomplish all these things by myself. Or what is the use? It will only get dirty again.”

You can’t do everything at once. So, don’t become overwhelmed by thinking of everything at once. Pick one thing and start with that. For example, tomorrow I will clean all the windows on the first floor. The following day I will change the sheets on the bed. Start small, think small and then celebrate the success after a few small tasks are completed.

Whether it is losing weight by walking one block at a time, eating healthier one salad at a time, or having a clean house one window at a time, you can get there by not letting yourself becoming overwhelmed by the whole task. Make change the easiest possible way. Don't throw in the pennies.

Apples

Some of you are more familiar with my life story than others.  If you have read my bio then you know that I am the son of a serial killer. My father confessed to killing five individuals. He was sentenced to die by lethal injection on August 31, 2011. All of these individuals were killed (unbeknownst to us) while I was growing up and living with my father.  You are probably familiar with the saying, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”  I would like to share with you that this apple isn’t even on the same planet as that tree.

In honor of Father’s Day that just passed, this blog is not only to fathers but to all the men. How can you make a difference and make sure other apples don’t turn into the trees that are bad for society? I might suggest that being a positive role model is something you can contribute. I mention this because I believe that one reason that I didn’t turn out like my father is because I had men in my life that were excellent role models.

One such role model was Chuck McCutcheon. He was the father of my best friend in middle school. I spent many nights at the McCutcheon house. When at their home, it wasn’t that I spent a lot of time with Chuck. I was usually too busy playing in the woods with his son Michael. It was that he was the man of the house that provided a safe place and was an encouraging model for how to be a husband and a father.

I could list several other role models like Don Montgomery and the prison guard that let me and my brothers work for him while my father spent time in prison. But the point I am trying to make isn’t so much about my role models as it is the role model you can be and the difference you can make.

There are great organizations out there like Big Brothers that give opportunities to make a difference in the life of a youth. However, making a positive impact doesn’t require belonging to or participating in a formal organization. One doesn’t have to look far or hard for opportunities. Think of the boys on your street that don’t have an involved father. Think of the boys at your church that don’t have actively involved or positive fathers. Think of the friends of your children and grandchildren that don’t have fathers. The list goes on and on. It could even be a refugee family that has 6 children. (This is the boy’s life in which I try to make a positive difference.)

It doesn’t require money to make a difference. You can invite them over to dinner. You can invite them to be a part of your family at special events such as a Thanksgiving meal. You can invite them over to help you do yard work. (It is amazing how much work they will do that you can’t get your own children to do.) It can be showing up at a sporting event or school activity.

Being a positive male role model could help prevent the next High School dropout or even the next serial killer. Please take an interest in a child and make a difference for someone. It made a difference for this son of a serial killer.

Spoiled

Have you ever stayed in a hotel, looked out your window and been frustrated with the view? You might think, “If only I was on the other side of the hallway. The view on that side of the hotel is awesome.”  Have you ever had an evening out at a special event and been frustrated that your seat is so far toward the back? You might be thinking, “If only I was a little closer.” I believe that many people have been in these types of situations at various times and have complained about it. If we spent the same amount of time counting our blessings as we do complaining I can only imagine how much happier we all would be. Let me share a recent experience that demonstrates how spoiled and unappreciative we can be.

 I just returned this week from a company incentive trip. We spent just about a week in the beautiful country of Switzerland. We spent the time at the Fairmont Hotel on Lake Geneva in Montreaux. You could look across the lake and see the mountains jet straight up into the heavens. The green bases led right up to the snow covered peaks. One of our excursions was a day trip to The Top of Europe. The last four miles of the journey was a train ride through the mountain to the peak. We had lunch in a restaurant that looked out over the glacier topped mountain. We also had the opportunity while there to walk through the Ice Palace, which was a walk through an ice tunnel looking at ice sculptures. One of the great things about the trip was that since it was a reward for reaching company goals all the expenses were picked up by the company.

With all of these wonderful things provided to us, it amazed me to hear so much complaining. In order to believe it all you probably would have needed to be present. Can you believe people complained about the view outside their room window?  I heard  comments such as, “Can you believe that I am on the backside of the hotel and I can only see the bottom of the mountain?”  The comments about seating arrangements at the awards dinner were plentiful. “How can you carry on a conversation when the people on the other side are so far away?” The complaining went on and on. I can’t say that I was innocent. I found myself doing my fair share too.

As I had time to reflect I couldn’t help but think about how spoiled I am. There are many people that would have roomed next to the boiler if they had the opportunity to spend the week in Switzerland. I am truly blessed to have great employment in tough economic times, the opportunity to travel the world with someone else picking up the tab, great health when others struggle with ailments and a great family when others struggle with relationships.

Take time to count your blessings. Your day will go much better if you spend time reflecting on your blessings. My challenge to you would be to think of one blessing each day. From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. (John1:16)

Why Not Me?

Why not me? I would venture to say that not many people have heard this phrase, “Why not me?” Many times we hear people say, “Why me?”  You will hear this in a multitude of situations. You just got pulled over for speeding and say, “Why me?” How about the star athlete that is probably going to get a scholarship? They break their arm and ask, “why me?”  You show up to work Monday morning only to find out that your position has been eliminated due to budget cuts. On the way home you are wondering how you are going to pay your bills, how you’re going to put food on the table, and how you are ever going to find another job in this economy. You cry out, “Why me?”

Of course, I do not have the answers to all of these questions. I only want to pose a different outlook for you. In this type of situation when you find yourself asking “Why me?” consider changing the question to “WHY NOT ME?”  When you change the question, you change your outlook and you begin to think differently. Your outlook will be more positive and optimistic instead of a negative pessimistic look. It often gets you away from depression and sympathetic perspectives.

Let’s take a deeper dive into one of the situations mentioned above and see how it actually looks to ask, “Why me?” versus “Why not me?”  You are the star athlete and the scouts keep pouring in to see how talented you are. The next thing you know you are in the hospital getting a stainless steel pin put in your arm from the break you suffered in practice. There go the scouts and all of the potential scholarships you were bound to get. You can’t help to question, “Why me?”  You mope around for the next few weeks just pondering “Why me?”  You ask your friends “Why me?”  And of course they have no answers. You start to get lethargic and gain a few pounds. Now you start breathing hard when you try to get up a flight of stairs. As time goes on you even begin to wonder how you were ever a start athlete.

Looking at the “Why not me?” approach, you come home from the hospital and start wondering “Why not me?”  You consider that maybe this incident is to make you a stronger person. You think that if it would have happened to one of your team-mates maybe they wouldn’t be able to overcome this hurdle. So, yeah, why not me?  You know it will help you learn perseverance and strengthen your work ethic.  You wonder if this accident is for you to show the scouts how strong you am and that your work ethic is something to be commended. You start getting stronger and pushing through the pain in rehab all because of your “Why not me?” perspective.

I can’t help but to believe that Bethany Hamilton, one arm surfer, has this type of outlook. I am convinced that this outlook helped her become a champion after she lost her arm in a shark attack. How about Joseph as told in the book of Exodus? I bet he had the attitude “Why not me?” Do you really think that he could have survived the hatred and betrayal of his brothers without a “Why not me” attitude?

It all starts with your attitude and I suggest you try “Why not me?”

A Little Mustard

It has taken me quite a while me to completely grasp the concept that faith of a mustard seed can move mountains.  I am convinced, for me, that faith of a mustard seed will move mountains. What confuses me is why I keep having such little faith. I can look in every direction and see God’s grace and the blessings that I have been given, but yet I still doubt.

Since I have started this new venture of writing and speaking, I have had many doors open for me. A speaking opportunity at CFLC, support from families and friends, help with editing and running my blog, etc. I recently had a friend look into a speaking opportunity for me. She called and told me about the opportunity. It began as an opportunity to speak for a high school coach that leads a group for Fellowship of Christian Athletes. He suggested the idea that I could be the commencement speaker for the local high school and he would begin to look into it. As she told me of this opportunity I became excited about it. As soon as I hung up the phone after our conversation, I had the thought that it won’t happen. I mean, how I can be a commencement speaker? That is when I became frustrated with myself. I began to wonder why I doubt and have no faith. Look at the doors that have been opened and the opportunities I have been provided already. Quit doubting, mustard seeds can move mountains!!

I know that having faith works. The purpose of this blog post is to get you to understand that Matthew 17:20 is true and will work. It is that our human nature causes us to doubt. I would like to share a short piece that I just discovered on faith and cancer. It is taken from the web site “Cancer Active”. In a top American Cancer Hospital, they ran a check across all their patients looking at factors such as age, diet, lifestyle and so on, to see if there were any factors linked to cancer survival. The results surprised them. Those cancer patients with a God survived 7 times longer. Sometimes you cannot do Clinical Trials - sometimes you just have to believe!

I have shared and will continue to share the many stories that I have that demonstrate that belief and faith work. I have stories from my wrestling days as well as my coaching career. One of my personal stories on how believing can accomplish great things goes back to my high school wrestling career. I started my wrestling career as a sophomore in high school. I knew from the beginning that my goal was to become a state qualifier. I believed it with all of my heart. I worked and believed every day for three years for that to happen. The reason it took so much work and belief is because not many wresters qualify for the state tournament with such little experience. Most wrestlers start in elementary school and at least by middle school.  My work, dedication, and faith paid off my senior year. Now that I look back I know that one of the biggest contributing factors to me being able to qualify for the state tournament was my faith that I could do so. I have come to realize that I may not have been as good as I thought I was at the time.  With so few years of experience, I probably never should have qualified.

I continue to grow in my faith by reading stories about others with great faith and belief. For example, the story about Roger Banister, the first one to break the 4 minute mile, and George Young, the first individual to swim the Catalina Channel when it was thought to be impossible.  These stories as well as some of my other favorites, such as Daniel in the Lions Den, help strengthen my faith.  Your faith and belief can accomplish great things. Believe in yourself and that you can accomplish great things because the faith of a mustard seed can move mountains!!

It Is Your Fault

What a great attitude to have!  If you want to make a difference at work, at school, on a sports team or even in your relationships, this will do it. Just remember, it is your fault. Now, I know and you know that it isn't your fault. However, I’d like to suggest to you that the attitude to have is, it is your fault.

How does this kind of attitude help? It may be easier to explain by looking at the reverse attitude, it isn't your fault. Let's look at a couple of different scenarios. First, let’s consider a work example. Your work department is responsible for selling a hundred units during the second quarter. At the end of the quarter your department has only sold 85 units. Don't worry, it isn't your fault. The advertising department missed a deadline to get an ad placed in the Sunday paper which circulates about 45,000 papers. If they wouldn't have missed the deadline in the first month you are sure that your department would have sold the additional 15 units and even possibly surpassed the 100 unit goal. So, what do you do differently next quarter? Nothing at all. There is no need to. It wasn't your fault. It was the advertising departments fault.

Let’s look at the same scenario but with a different attitude. It is your fault. I know the advertising department missed their deadline. But it is still your fault that you didn't sell 100 units. I believe that you start to think and act differently. The creative juices start to flow. You start asking yourself the what if question. What if? That is, what if I would have made one more sales call? What if I tweak my sales presentation? What if I spend a little more time shadowing a mentor? What if I spend a little less time texting and a little more time in front of a potential customer? Do you see how your whole thought process changes?  This is how you affect change in your behavior and then change the outcome. It is your fault.

How about in your relationships? (I can see the emails I am going to get on this one. "John, why don't you start practicing what you preach?") If your relationship isn't where you want it to be then it is your fault. Let's start looking at this example the same way. It is NOT your fault.  Your significant other (spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend) is in a bad mood after coming home from work. The boss was unhappy with results, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing, and the flat tire on the way home topped it all off. As it often happens you seem to be the one on which the frustration is taken out. Answers are short and curt and you think that his/her bad mood is just unnecessary. It isn’t your fault. So you do nothing about it. You find a way to gradually escape from the situation.

Let’s look at the same scenario but with the opposite attitude. It is your fault. I know the boss was mad, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing, and you couldn’t do anything about the flat tire. However, what if you would have sent a text message during the day that said, “I am thinking of you”? What if when the phone was ringing all day one of the calls was you just checking in to give some words of encouragement? Do you see how your whole attitude changes when you take the approach that it is your fault?  This is how you affect change in your behavior and then change the outcome. It is your fault.

Our sinful nature makes it difficult to say or take the attitude that it is our fault. Just think about what happened while you were growing up. I bet that almost every time something happened that was your fault you were disciplined. So you learned as a tiny boy and girl to desire to shift blame or deny all together. After all, it wasn't Adam’s fault it was Eve's, right? J. If you admit fault at work, many believe they run the risk of getting demoted, losing the raise, or even getting fired. Of course, it isn't your fault. It is someone else's. We are afraid that if it our fault in relationships then you lose your reputation by being bad mouthed. Better yet, what if you are married, end up getting a divorce and lose everything in the divorce settlement? Of course it isn't your fault. It is the other persons. Are you beginning to see how we are conditioned to believe that “It is NOT my fault”?

Lead the change in yourself and others. It is your fault.

Today's Readers become Tomorrow's Leaders

I heard this phrase, “Today’s readers become tomorrow’s leaders”, a few years ago at a convention. Recently I stumbled across this phrase again. As I often do, I started to think about what this phrase really means and if I believe it.  I came to the conclusion that I think there is a lot of truth to this saying.

There was an article in the Summer 2001, Aerospace Power Journal talking about future leaders. The Aerospace Program was wondering where they could find future leaders. They said, “One route is to reap the benefit of past experience through a vigorous professional reading program.” That is a powerful endorsement for the belief that “today’s readers will become tomorrow’s leaders”.  They knew that if they had students in the program read about the history and learn from it then they could become great leaders.

Look at the school systems. Why do they spend so much time and resources in literacy programs? They know that students need to be able to read in order to learn and become great students. But why would someone at a manager’s convention for Insurance Professionals be tauting the phrase? After all, wouldn’t all of these professional people already know how to read?

The main point is that if we are going to continue to grow we must be life-long students. Be a student of what interests you. Are the insurance managers reading books on how to lead? Books such as, Are You the Captain of the Love Boat or the Titanic? Are they reading books on their profession, such as how to invest in difficult economic times? Knowledge is power and that power can come from reading.

Personally, I look at some of my best professional years and it was when I always had a book in my hand. Whether it was a book by Zig Ziglar or Lou Holt, I was always reading. Two of my three years as a District manager I was able to attend company trips to Hong Kong, China and Cabo, Mexico as a reward for recognition of being one of the top districts in the company. It was those years that I always had a book at my finger tips so I could dig in whenever I had five minutes of free time. I didn’t necessarily follow everything from every book. However, I was usually able to implement one or two ideas that made me a better person, both personally and professionally.

A 2008 article by T.L Stanley from Supervisor says there are several ways to improve one’s thinking ability. He says, “Board games, reading, and speaking in public are excellent ways to exercise the brain and keep the mind challenged.” I love board games. Maybe I can use that as an excuse the next time I want to play games. There probably aren’t many leaders that don’t have good thinking ability. Keep those skills sharp and read.

What do you want to become the leader of? Is it the leader of your life? Is it the leader of your household, sports team, office or corporation? Whatever it is, pick up a book, journal, newspaper, a blog, or kindle and become a reader. Because today’s readers are tomorrow’s leaders!

Don't Be An Elephant

Don’t be an Elephant! No, this isn’t about eating. (Even though several of us could probably make a few less trips through the buffet line and a few more trips to the gym.) This is about your self esteem and your belief about yourself and accomplishing great things. So, what does it mean to not be an elephant? Let’s begin by looking at how an elephant is trained to be obedient to his animal trainer.

A baby elephant averages about 250 pounds, while a fully grown adult reaches the height of 10-13 feet and weighs about 15,400 pounds. How do you get an animal this large to be restricted and contained by a 2 inch rope tied to a stake in the ground that can be easily pulled out? It is done by breaking its spirit when it is a young baby elephant.

Initially, the young wild elephant is tied to a wooden frame or between two tree trunks where it is unable to move. The wild elephant tears at the ropes and flails with its trunk to desperately try to free himself. The elephant is then repeatedly stuck with an elephant hook and beaten. Fear, pain, thirst and hunger finally make the elephant give up all resistance. When the elephant begins to accept its fate, it is allowed to take a bath in a river and to eat, although it continues to be tied to a working elephant throughout this process . After several weeks of this brutal treatment, the young elephant is now tame enough to be led without being accompanied by other working elephants. When the young elephant’s spirit is completely broken it can be tied with a simple rope that is staked in the ground. This is because it has given up all hope and has convinced itself that freedom is impossible.

So don’t be an elephant!! Are we literally tied to a tree, beaten, and stuck with an elephant hook? Of course the answer is no. However, so many people allow themselves to become “elephants”. We give other people the power to break our spirit. Could it be a parent as we grew up? Did you have a parent tell you that you wouldn’t amount to anything? Have you ever heard anyone tell a child, “You are going to turn out just like your father and amount to nothing?” Over time comments like these start to break down one’s spirit. We start believing what we are told. Supposed friends can be very cruel as we grow up too. They say things such as, “Your parents didn’t go to college so you won’t be able to go either.” “Your parents are divorced so you don’t have a chance.” “Your mother is an alcoholic. You are going to turn out just like her.” Before you know it you have become an elephant.

Now, let’s say you are different than what I’ve described so far. Your parents didn’t say nasty things like this to you. You did go to college. So, you might be thinking that this doesn’t apply to you. My question to you is “Really?”.  Answer these questions for me. When is the last time you asked for a raise? When is the last time you were employee of the month? When is the last time you had the courage to go after a promotion? Don’t be an elephant. Have your peers and mainstream society broken your spirit? Are you thinking that the person next you is better than you and they deserve the promotion. Is your co-worker that much better than you that you think they deserved the raise? If these thoughts are in your head then you have become an elephant. You have let your spirit be broken. Don’t be an elephant. You are valuable and do deserve that promotion, raise, and to be employee of the month.

You have given up hope and have let someone else stick you with an elephant hook until you become confined by your own ropes. Don’t become an elephant!! You are powerful and can break away just as a 15,400 pound elephant can if it truly tried. Believe in yourself. Find those people that have become successful in spite of their circumstances. I am here to tell you that if I can overcome an abusive, serial killing parent then you can accomplish great things! One of my tips of success was shared in an earlier blog, “Keep an Eye on Two People”. If you need a refresher or haven’t read it you can click this link. http://run2something-jpe.blogspot.com/2011/03/keep-eye-on-two-people.html   

Dreams, goals, and aspirations do not have to die with our youth or with negative comments that are made to us. Do not leave your dreams, goals, and aspirations tied to a tree somewhere or confined to a two inch rope attached to a stake in the ground. Don’t be an elephant!!

How Do You Treat?

Here is a little secret on how to get what you want.  I will caution you that nothing works 100%, all of the time.  However, if you incorporate this into your everyday life, you will be surprised how much more you will have.  You will have more friends, more help in times of need, and just more of what you want.

To be honest it isn’t a secret.  It is just something that is difficult to do for some, only because we get so caught up with everyday life.  We are so distracted by cell phones, children, and stress that we forget how to treat people.  That is right!  In order to get what you want, you must treat people as if they have something you need.  Now, don’t be confused!  I didn’t say use people.  I said, treat people as if they have something that you want or need.

Think about it!  How do you treat someone who has something you want?  Do you have children?  Boy, do they make a great illustration for this topic!  I recently promised my boys (8 year old twins) that if they did well at their gymnastics meet, then I would get them something special.  Guess what?  They did well.  So, I went out and bought them something.  They knew when I returned home from the store that I had their prize.  I was able to use it to my advantage to have fun with them.  I got hugs, kisses, please, and thank you.  It was as if they were alien possessed.  Why is that?  It was simply because I had something they wanted.  And since I had something they wanted, they treated me nicely.

Treat everyone as if they have something you want, that even includes strangers.  Why is that?  Because you never know when you will need what that person has.  So, what exactly does this look like?  It means smiling at others.  Hold the door for them as you walk into or out of a business.  It means being last in the line at the next workplace luncheon because you are assisting others with their plates and drinks.  It means helping the stranger in the store parking lot return their shopping cart.  It means dropping a hand written note in the mail telling someone thank you and that you were thinking of them.  The list can go on and on.  Just think back to the last time you needed something that someone had.  How did you treat them?

I would recommend that you start this process in the workplace.  Why the workplace, you may ask?  First, it will make your workplace much more enjoyable.  Second, you never know when the person sitting next to you will be your boss.  Yes, that twenty-something that just started last week could be your boss one day.  My experience as a school teacher and in the corporate world has proven this time and again.  As a new special education teacher, I had to work with a fifth grade teacher because we both worked with the same student.  Thank goodness I treated this teacher like he had something I wanted.  Seven years after first working with him, he became a principal at a school 30 minutes away.  And I on the other hand became an insurance agent that worked with school teachers.  Guess what?  I had to work with his teachers.  How do you think it would have gone if seven years earlier, I had treated him differently?  One final example comes from one of my first experiences working in the insurance industry.  The 20 year veteran that mentored me and the manager that hired me became my direct reports seven years after I started.  Thank goodness I treated them as if they had something I wanted.  (Of course at that time they did. It was their help and knowledge.)  If I hadn’t treated them well, they could have made my life very miserable.

One of the best books I’ve read on this topic, which I would recommend to you, is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  I remember reading this book during my years in college.  At the time, I was harassed by my friends.  They tried to inform me that I didn’t need to win friends, but instead, I had to earn them.   Needless to say, my response to them was that they needed to read the book.  The book gives great detail and much support about how to treat people. I still highly recommend it even after all these years.

I leave you with Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times

Run 2 Something

Is there a difference between running from something and running to something?  What happens in the horror movies when someone runs from something?  Make yourself a mental picture or choose your favorite scary flick.  It is a dark dreary night.  A person is minding their own business, walking through the woods and all of a sudden they hear something.  They take off running.  The purpose is to run away as fast as they can from whatever they heard.  The next thing you know they trip, fall, and the villain is on top of them and you never see that person again.

What happens in real life when you run away from something?  Picture a couple of different scenarios.  How about the person in the abusive relationship?  Or maybe it is the person that has a job they just hate and they constantly complain about it.  Have you noticed that many individuals that are in these situations tend to find themselves right back in a similar situation?  It is because they are running from something instead of to something!

How about a famous biblical story? (Remember my blog on Don’t Throw the Baby Out with The Bath Water?  Don’t disregard the whole message just because I made a biblical reference. Here is the link if you need a refresher, http://run2something-jpe.blogspot.com/2011/03/dont-throw-baby-out-with-bath-water.html ).  What happened to Jonah when he ran from something?  He found himself not in the same situation, but in a much worse predicament.  A fish’s belly!  When he made the honest commitment to stop running from something but rather run to something (with a little persuasion, thank you God), things turned out much better for Jonah.

Yes, there is a difference when running from something and to something.  When you run to something, there is a much greater purpose.  First, you usually analyze your current situation.  For example, I am in an abusive situation and I don’t want to be in it anymore.  Or, I am in a job that I constantly complain about, and I want to move on to a new job where I can be happy and have purpose.  Once the situation is analyzed a person running to something will make a plan.  What are the steps to get out of an abusive situation?  Is it to attend counseling?  Is it being around people who love you more in order to increase your self esteem?  The journal of family violence has conducted studies that show women in abusive relationships have lower self esteem.  Higher self esteem can help one identify abusive situations in order to better avoid them.  Once the plan is identified run to it!  How about that job?  Is it the career, the people, or your attitude that makes your job miserable?  Make your plan.  If it is the career, then make a plan to get the proper education, prepare a resume, and interview.  Then you run to it!

Once you have your plan in place you must run.  Not walk, jog, or trot.  But run!  To run means to go with great haste and quickly.  I encourage you to stop the procrastination and run.  Display a little faith and courage and Run 2 Something.

“Come on Johnny…Straighten it out!”

“Come on Johnny…Straighten it out!”

Children’s sporting events are one of the best places to go to hear some strange things.  Do parents and fans realize what they are truly saying? For example, you can go to a baseball game and hear a parent yell, “Come on Johnny, straighten the ball out!”  Go to a football game and you will hear things such as “Throw the football straight.  Make the tackle.  Kick the ball through the uprights.”

Why are things like this said? Do you really think Johnny deliberately hit a foul ball?  Do you think that the kicker didn’t realize he had to kick the ball through the upright?  Did the quarterback throw a “duck” on purpose?  And of course the defensive players know they are supposed to make tackles.

As parents and fans maybe we should concentrate more on the process and technique instead of the outcome.  To prevent a foul ball maybe we should yell, “Keep your elbow up”.  A kicker should be reminded of the process that will help him execute better.  “Head down and follow through!”

How does this apply to achieving success?  I believe that when the outcome isn’t what we expect we should focus on the process instead of the outcome.  My wife is an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics.  If her sales are not where expected it is not beneficial for me to tell her that she should sell more.  (Of course, the weather is improving this time of year.  So those nights I already sleep in the dog house will not be quite as cold.)  Instead, I help her with the process.  We might talk about things such as how many phone calls she has made to her clients, how many appointments she’s made and held for facials, and if she has been able to send reminders to her customers about monthly specials.  Business statistics will show that taking the time to concentrate on the process that generates activity is actually what produces the outcome of higher sales.  So in trying to help my wife with her business, I must remind myself that yelling from the stands, “sell more, sell more, sell more” doesn’t correlate to success or motivate her to do better.

If you or your child’s grades aren’t what you intend, then chanting “Come on Johnny, study more” may not be the answer.  Instead, why not try concentrating on the process that generates better grades?   How does Johnny learn best?  Is it reading the material, listening to lectures on the material, or is it writing the material?  Knowing the answer to these questions can help Johnny focus on studying the best way for him.  When and where is Johnny studying?  That is a very important part of the process. Studying right after school may be a bad idea.  Has Johnny had time to rest and take a break from school?  Have you had time to rest after a long days work before you jump into studying?  Do you study in a quiet place or do you study with light background noise?  All of these are important parts of the process that change the outcome.  So, no more yelling, “get better grades”!

If you are not achieving your desired outcome I encourage you to look at the process through which the results come, whether that is how many phone calls to make or how many hours to study.  In other words, is the process what it needs to be?  The next time you get ready to yell something at someone who doesn’t seem to be doing their best and getting their desired outcome, I encourage you to think about the process.  Maybe you can help them think about the “nuts and bolts” of the process that will get them the results that will allow them to achieve their goals.

Don't Throw The Baby Out With The Bath Water

Have you heard that phrase before? Of course, I have heard it too. A few weeks back I was visiting the Blandwood Historic Mansion in Greensboro, NC. There was a wash basin in the upstairs bedroom. Our lovely tour guide explained that once it was filled with water all the family members would wash themselves in the same water. The oldest would start first and the family members would take turns from oldest to youngest, including the baby. You can imagine how dirty the water would be once the last child washed. Hence, the phrase, “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water”.

Why do I mention this concept? On numerous occasions I have witnessed individuals disregard someone’s entire presentation because of one comment. For example, an insurance agent from Florida recently held a conference call for his peers throughout the Mid Atlantic Region on how to retain business after a rate increase. Several individuals dismissed the whole call because they felt that the techniques only worked in Florida and they wouldn’t work in a state like Virginia where they were from. I know people who have considered a whole book worthless due to one comment they didn’t like or agree with. I think this is a costly mistake that many individuals make. You do not have to disregard a whole presentation because of one comment.

It was reassuring to discover last week that not everyone makes this mistake. I was talking to an individual that read my first blog posting, “Keep an Eye on Two People”. He was able to apply the message to his work at GE. As a new employee at GE he was questioning his worthiness compared to his peers. He then looked around and found that one person that made him say “If he can do it I can do it too”.  He had the skill to apply the message to a different situation than the illustration. My dear friend didn’t dismiss the whole message because he couldn’t relate to wrestling. Therefore, he didn’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

I encourage you to take something from every situation in which you find yourself. Don’t dismiss an athlete’s presentation because you aren’t an athlete. Don’t dismiss a musician’s message about how dedicating hours to practice makes you a great trumpet player just because you don’t play the trumpet or you aren’t a musician. Look for the relevant information in every situation and apply it to make yourself a better person.

Keep an Eye on Two People

I have found this helpful to keep my success on track. First you must find the person that makes you say, "boy, if they can do it I can do it too." then you must find the person that makes you say, "I want to be just like them." I will use my background in wrestling to explain.
Warm up time at a wrestling tournament looks like a circus. There are hundreds of kids walking, jogging, running, and prancing around the mats to get warmed up and ready to go. You will see some Stretching and others paired up drilling their favorite move. If you pause for a second you will most always find the two people you need to keep an eye on in order to be successful.
The first one: it is the one that has already accidentally bumped into a several dozen people trying to gracefully walk his way around the mat. He has tripped and fallen two times just trying to step up onto the two inch thick mat. However, somehow some way he gets his hand raised as the victor when the match is over. I always look for this person. It makes me say, "If he can do it I can do it too."
The second one: This is the easy one to spot. It is the one that several people are watching with open mouths. It is the one that looks like they have been cut out of stone. They prance around the room eloquently warming up and missing everyone that falls into his path. He drills his wrestling moves with the greatest of ease and the smoothest technique. When the six minute match is over his hand always gets raised. I always look for this person. It makes me say, "I want to be just like them."
Find you two people to keep an eye on and it will help you makes strides toward your goal. Who is the person that makes you say, "if they can do it I can do it too." Secondly, find that person that makes you say, "I want to be just like them."